经典无厘头:男人女人12处大不同

1. SUCCESS 从对成功的定义看……

  A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

  成功的男人就是挣得比老婆花得多。

  A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

  成功的女人就是能找到上述那样的老公。

  2. FUTURE 从对未来的看法看……

  A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

  女人直到找到老公前都在担心未来。

  A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

  男人直到找到老婆后才开始担心未来。

  3. MARRIAGE 从对婚姻的看法看……

  A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

  女人嫁给一个男人,希望他能改变,可他不。

  A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change! And she does.

  男人娶了一个女人,希望她永远不变,可她变了。

  4. DRESSING UP 从穿礼服的场合看……

  A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

  买东西,浇花,倒垃圾,接电话,读书和取信的时候,女人都会穿礼服。

  A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

  看到男人穿礼服,不是去婚礼就是去葬礼。

5. NATURAL 从容貌的真实度看……

  Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

  男人起床后和上床前看起来差不多。

  Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

  女人过了一晚上的容颜会变糟。

  6. NAMES 从朋友间的称呼看……

  If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

  如果劳瑞,琳达,伊丽莎白和芭芭拉出去吃饭,她们会互相称呼彼此为劳瑞,琳达,伊丽莎白和芭芭拉。

  If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately
refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

  如果马克,克里斯,埃里克和汤姆出去吃饭,他们会亲切地称对方为胖子,怪兽,傻瓜和刺儿头。

  7. EATING OUT 从外出就餐看……

  When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw
in a $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have
anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

  结账的时候,需然只花了32.5美元,马克,克里斯,埃里克和汤姆也会每人都甩出20美元。没人有更小的票子,也没人愿意招认他们其实是想破钱。

  When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

  轮到女人结账时,她们每个人会掏出个便携式计算器。

  8. MONEY 从花钱购物看……

  A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

  只要用得着,即便值1美元却卖2美元的东西,男人也会买。

  A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need, but it’s on sale.

  只要在打折,2美元的东西只卖1美元,就算用不着,女人也会买。

9. CATS 从对猫的态度看……

  Women love cats.

  女人喜欢猫。

  Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

  男人说他们喜欢猫,但是当女人不在场的时候,男人踢猫。

  10. BATHROOMS 从浴室看……

  A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

  男人浴室有五宝:牙刷,剃须膏,剃须刀,一块肥皂和一块毛巾。

  The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

  女人浴室里平均有337样东西,男人认不出其中的大多数是干什么用的。

  11. ARGUMENTS 从争论看……

  A woman has the last word in any argument.

  任何争论都以女人说最后一句话为结束。

  Anything a man says after that…is the beginning of a new argument.

  男人在女人之后说的任何话……都将成为新一轮争吵的开始。

  12. OFFSPRING 从对孩子的态度看……

  A woman know all about her children. She knows about romances,
best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

  女人了解孩子的方方面面,包括他们的罗曼史,好朋友,喜欢的食物,心底的恐惧、希望以及梦想。

  A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

  男人模模糊糊地知道和一些小人儿们住在一起。

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